LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—The Los Angeles Convention Centre will be undergoing pesticide fumigation following this year’s E3 trade fair as droves of video game nerds refuse to leave.
General Manager and CEO Pouria Abassi said the infestation is nothing that the city of Los Angeles need worry about and that “the plague of unwashed gaming geeks has been well-contained.”
Under the direction of the City of Los Angeles, the Convention Center administration is working with a local fumigation team, hoping to have the pestilence of infectious, Nintendo-hatched subhumans purged before the following week’s Red Hat Society conference.
“We need to nip this in the bud before it becomes an epidemic,” said Abassi. “Developers have already started to build nests in the Concourse Hall and the Xbox presenters have taken to weaving Sony panelists into cocoons. Markus Persson has burrowed under Petree Hall and, like a termite, is boring into the support structure.”
E3 officials have offered no explanations for the infestation. However, several prominent gaming critics have cited the absence of next-generation console announcements, lack of focus on gaming, and the meagre line-up of new IPs have left E3-goers confused and unsatisfied.
“The current state of E3 2012 has thrown off the entire ecological balance of the gaming species,” said video game critic and expert on nerd migratory patterns, Brad Muttonhouse. “Certain Pavlovian stimuli have not been prompted in order for the geeks to move on.”
Pouria Abassi hopes to have Convention Centre cleared out of any remaining pests before the Ubisoft developers climb their way up into the rafters.
M. Scott Caldwell is The Daily Sprat’s senior electronic entertainment correspondent and author of the books The Land of Skyrim: Kiss Your Relationships Goodbye and The Contrived and Malformed Religious Overtones of Halo.