Captain America at July 4th mall event “just one of Captain America’s helpers”, says patronizing parent

Captain America at July 4th mall event “just one of Captain America’s helpers”, says patronizing parent

Captain America hounded for long-form birth certificate

Captain America hounded for long-form birth certificate

SPRAT RECAP: The Avengers

When an Asgardian menace unleashed a hostile alien race through a gateway from the lower fourth dimension, The Daily Sprat was there in the thick of it all to loot electronics. Below are some of the reports made while our correspondants swiped Blu-ray players:

  • Henchman’s neck broken in the grip of the Black Widow’s thighs, dies happier than you can imagine
  • Hawkeye looking pretty good for a Korean War vet
  • Thor issues statement: “I grow weary of your “Hammer Time” jokes”
  • Captain Hammer to Thor: “The Hammer is still my penis”
  • "It would take Joss Whedon himself to make Hulk cool," says Marvel Studios sometime last year
  • S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists request funding for stretchy purple underpants
  • Steve Rogers denies allegations that he is The Human Torch, though he admits the resemblence is uncanny
  • Iron Man and War Machine strike up a “ro-bro-mance”

FEATURED ARTICLE: "The Avengers report post-traumatic stress after induction of Sexual Harassman"

sexual-harassman

The latest in a rotating roster of superheroes, Sexual Harassman—whose powers include mind manipulation and the dreaded Telekinetic Purple Nurple—joined the group three months ago to replace Captain America, who is still recovering from a spinal injury incurred from a miscalculated victory hug from The Hulk. Read the Full Article…

Steve Rogers denies allegations that he is The Human Torch, though he admits the resemblence is uncanny